Living with a Mess
Why should one imagine that when there is a problem there is always a solution? --Terry Eagleton
It seems to me a very American assumption: If something is out of whack there is a way to fix it. If you don’t like the way something is, you can always do something to change it.
It’s just very difficult for us to be satisfied with a mess, acknowledge it’s a mess, and then find a way to live with it.
I was about 10 years old. A family that lived down the street from us was gradually falling apart. The wife-mother was an emotionally distraught woman who would periodically retreat to her room and not emerge for weeks. The husband-father was a perpetually jolly and generous man who seemed to be unaffected by anything. All the kids in the neighborhood loved him. He made candy for a living and would dole it out to us in abundance. I remember being amazed that an adult would give you so much candy.
Buddy was the 12 year-old son. From my current perspective, I would suspect he was mildly autistic; at that time he was just sort of a “different” kid. I liked him; we were playmates.
Then the following happened. The father committed suicide by jumping out the window of their house; the mother retreated into permanent isolation, and Buddy was immediately sent off to “military school.” To my eyes this was an annihilation of the family. They were here, then they were not. I was deeply saddened and sought solace from my family. They tried everything to give comfort and understanding, but nothing would console me. It was somehow “wrong” in my eyes that this should happen. It was a terrible mess. “There must be something we can do…”
An early lesson in accepting that there was no solution other than finding a way, my way, to live with it.
What about the messes in your life?
... to a Quiet Corner of the Web. The background image on this web page is a photograph of a nebula from outer space, the result of gasses escaping from a dying star. I chose it because such images of space as seen through the telescopic camera can help give us earth-dwellers a sense of perspective which, when transformed into a practical expression, give us what I especially need, patience. DK
I've kept Stopping.com, the historical name of the web site, and added my name as a web address also.
You can reach the site with either one: DavidKundtz.com or Stopping.com.
The ideas involved in Stopping still embody much of what I believe and try to practice.
... you can browse the books by reading reviews and a few excerpts, learn some biographical information, and by clicking 'Speaking/Etc" you might find anything.
...you can also order any of the books on amazon.com. Clicking the title at the very bottom of the right column will take you to the amazon link.
Thanks for your visit. I warmly welcome feedback and commentary from site visitors -- about the books, the web site, or any ideas that they might stir in you. My email is at the bottom of the column just to the right.
Kundtz's radical self-help book says that the best thing to do to improve one's life is nothing. Yup, nothing--just stopping awhile and seeing what happens. Therapist and priest Kundtz contends that many today suffer from living on "the mountain of too much." They have tried to deal with overloaded lives very typically, cramming more into each hour and cutting back on some things. Trouble is, they have reached the point where they can't cram more into the little time they have, and they are cutting out pleasurable things (lunch, friends, holidays) to try to accommodate crowded schedules.
Kundtz then offers three kinds of stopping: "stillpoints" (little pauses), "stopovers" (longer times of stillness), and "grinding halts" (life-changing periods of stasis). Written in pithy, short chapters--his audience is the overscheduled, after all; they don't have time to read for long--the book is a good, commonsense adviser on a pervasive problem. --The Rev. John S. Livingston, UCC
This is a straightforward but profound book on cultivating pauses in our lives to enrich our lives and ultimately improve the quality of our existence. It seeks to maximize "the beats in between the notes" as moments to cherish. In a rush/rush world that seems to have ADD, the suggestions of author David Kundtz resonate. It offers excellent suggestions to "sharpening the saw" by incorporating tiny, medium-sized or extended pause points in our lives to step back, take stock and get ourselves centered. A wonderful book that merits multiple readings! --from a review on amazon.com
A pioneer in the sphere of men's mental health In the popular book Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Feelings, dynamic author and speaker David Kundtz sheds light on three steps men can take to achieve emotional fitness. Written exclusively for male audiences, Kundtz's entertaining journey through "Feelings 101" encourages men to be comfortable with experiencing, identifying and expressing emotions. --from comments on Hazeldon Books Web site: hazelden.org
David Kundtz offers a soothing, experienced and wise helping hand to readers in desperate need of a break! More than just a meditation book, Quiet Mind is a wonderful series of reflections that can illuminate every aspect of life. These reflections invite you to do nothing, but with purpose, meaning and value in order to become more fully awake and to remember who you are.
-- from a review on Alibris.com
Difference is the essence of humanity. Difference is an accident of birth and should therefore never be the source of hatred or conflict. The answer to difference is to respect it. Therein lies a most fundamental principle of peace: respect for diversity. --John Hume
Americans are both deeply religious and profoundly ignorant about religion. --Stephen Prothero
Why should one imagine that when there is a problem there is always a solution? --Terry Eagleton
Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival. --Rene Dubos
There is a strange kind of tragic enigma associated with the problem of racism. No one, or almost no one, wishes to see themselves as racist; still racism persists, real and tenacious. --Albert Memmi
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there's a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged, and it is in such twilight that we must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we become unwitting victims of of the darkness. --Justice William O. Douglas
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. -- Bertrand Russell
Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about. -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone
It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into. --Jonathan Swift
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. --Oscar Wilde
You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet. --Franz Kafka
A person buying products in a supermarket is in touch with his deepest emotions. --John Kenneth Galbraith
Not to transmit an experience is to betray it. --Elie Wiesel
The only way to get rid of my fears is to make films about them. --Alfred Hitchcock
If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is in you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. --Jesus, Gospel of Thomas
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. --Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have spent many days stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung. --Rabindranath Tagore
I wonder how all those who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the...fear which is inherent in the human situation. --Graham Greene
To be enlightened is simply to be absolutely, unconditionally intimate with this moment. No more. No less. --Scott Morrison
Someone sold us out -- but only when we ceased to pay attention. --Timothy Findley (The telling of Lies)
If you are what you do, when you don't you aren't. -- William J. Byron
The only thing that keeps us from floating off with the wind is our stories. They give us a name and put us in a place, allow us to keep on touching. --Tom Spanbauer
Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
--T.S.Eliot (The Four Quartets)
If I hazard a guess as to the most endemic, prevalent anxiety among human beings -- including the fear of death, abandonment, loneliness -- nothing is more prevalent than the fear of one another. --R.D. Laing
There's nothing very mysterious about free will. You do what you want to do, and you don't do what you don't want to do. --Rebbe Nachman
The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence. --Marianne Moore
Beyond living and dreaming
there is something more important: waking up. --Antonio Machado
When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that's my religion. -- Abraham Lincoln
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